When you decide to move to Canada with your kids, one of your first considerations will be to ensure they feel comfortable as they step into a new social environment. You’ll have to think about different aspects of daily life, such as establishing new routines, understanding how the Canadian school system works, and adapting to cultural nuances. Most importantly, you’ll want to make sure your children feel at home in their new school.
At Remitly, we understand the concerns families have when adjusting to a new country. Luckily, Canada is known for its welcoming neighbourhoods and multicultural schools. In this guide, we’ll give you practical advice on helping your kids make friends and get comfortable in their new surroundings.
Why are friendships at school important?
The quickest way for your kids to feel a sense of belonging in a new country is by making friends. These friendships will be their support system when you can’t be there to help them feel safe and not feel intimidated. Through these new friends, they’ll learn about Canadian culture in a fun setting, as well as social skills and how to resolve disagreements.
Your child’s academic performance will also be influenced by the friendships they have. If they’re eager to go to school and feel accepted, it’s more likely that they’ll be engaged in lessons. Having supportive friends will help them be more resilient when they encounter any typical challenges like academic stress.
As more time passes, you’ll find that these friendships will make your child feel more confident and reduce any anxiety they might have about the transition.
Specific challenges that newcomer families face
It’s a common observation that children adapt quickly to new surroundings. But this might not be as easy as it seems when moving to a new country. Your child will face language barriers, different education systems and customs they aren’t familiar with.
This means that the adjustment period might take longer than you expect. For example, they might struggle with different communication styles, specifically the emphasis on politeness in Canada.
During this time, your child might not want to make friends. They might feel embarrassed about sharing their cultural differences or worry they won’t fit in with the other children.
But you don’t have to worry—these are all normal problems that can occur. As a parent, the best thing to do is to identify these struggles early and talk to your child’s school. Canadian schools have various resources like counsellors and liaisons to help your child feel more connected in their new environment.
Strategies for assisting your child in making friends
As soon as you notice your child struggling socially, take note, but also remember that they might need you to be patient. They’ll want to make friends at their own pace. Reassure them, and let them know it’s okay to take small steps. Your positivity can help your children feel more relaxed as they navigate their new life.
Encourage participation in school activities
You’ll find that most Canadian schools have after-school clubs, including sports teams or specific interests such as theatre club. Talk to your child about signing up for an activity. It’s a great way to find classmates who share the same hobbies.
You could also volunteer with your child at school events like bake sales or cultural evenings. This encourages your child to participate and see familiar faces while having you there for support.
These school activities teach your kids social skills and confidence. If your child is naturally shy, try starting with smaller steps. Suggest activities that are less crowded or perhaps start with a one-off event to see how they feel.
If you see that they enjoy themselves and become braver about participating, then you can add more activities. Slowly but surely, you’ll see how they become more comfortable and make friends.
Use common interests to foster connections
What hobbies did your child already have back home? Whether they enjoyed playing an instrument, reading novels, or playing computer games, you can encourage them to talk about this at school.
Once your kiddo starts sparking conversations, they’ll find other classmates who share similar interests. Even if you think that their interests are very specific, you’ll be surprised by the diversity of children in Canadian schools. Using hobbies and interests as a starting point, your child will quickly become more comfortable engaging with classmates overall.
Another way to help them in the beginning is by giving them a few conversation starters. For example, tell them to “ask someone if they’ve heard of that music group you like” or “ask if they saw that TV show you like watching”. These simple icebreakers are useful for shy children who need extra encouragement.
Team up with other adults for your child’s success
As a parent, your support is paramount to your child adjusting to a new school, but it will also help you to work with teachers and other adults. Staff can observe how your child behaves and interacts to give you feedback.
By collaborating, you’ll spot things the other misses, covering all bases and creating a network of reassurance and empathy.
Strong friendships for your child
Building meaningful friendships will help your child feel at home in no time. Here are some tips on making sure your child is building the right kinds of connections.
Signs of a good friendship
The main characteristics of a good friendship are:
- Mutual respect: Both kids actively listen to each other, paying attention and sharing ideas.
- Support: Good friends cheer each other on and make each feel more self-confident. This could be with classroom achievements or personal milestones.
- Balanced communication: Neither child tries to take over. They both allow each to take the lead from time to time.
A clear sign that a strong bond is forming is when you see your child excited to meet up with their friend. They’ll talk to you about them at home, and you’ll be able to evaluate if this friend is being supportive. For example, they might show acts of kindness like including them in groups or offering to eat lunch together.
Sometimes, children can get into disagreements, but if they have a strong bond, they will patch things up quickly. It’s also useful for them to learn how to resolve conflicts.
Addressing expectations between friends
Kids can have different expectations about how friends should behave, especially if they’re from diverse backgrounds. So, consider teaching them about boundaries and communication styles. You may even want to learn about friendships in Canada yourself, making this a journey you can share together.
Some families in Canada value personal space. Your child might find that these children don’t like it when they get too close or ask too many questions, while others might be more comfortable with being open.
Encourage your child to speak openly about their feelings so that others know their boundaries from the start. For example, tell them to politely say if they don’t like something. In time, this will help them create more supportive bonds.
Nowadays, a lot of children—particularly teens—have more digital interactions and like to connect on social media. That means it’s important that you talk to them about being safe and considerate online.
How to overcome difficulties and barriers
Although classrooms and communities are welcoming, some kids still struggle to open up. They might be more sensitive than usual if their first attempts at making friends aren’t received the way they expected. This is where it is useful to show your child different ways to overcome challenges.
What to do when your child struggles to make friends
First, reassure your child that feeling lonely or nervous is common, especially at the start of a school year or if they’re adapting to a new school. Work together on small goals, like saying “hi” to one new classmate a day.
If your child’s mood or behaviour changes drastically, or if they’re refusing to go to school, it might be time to speak with a school counsellor. Professional advice can uncover deeper anxieties or potential bullying. Don’t shy away from reaching out to local mental health services if needed. Reducing stigma around emotional well-being is crucial for many families, especially those new to Canada.
Role-playing social scenarios and conversations
Another way to help your kids make friends is to practice social scenarios and conversations at home. Try using role play to teach them how to handle everyday situations, like inviting others to play games or what to do if you’re left out. Keep it fun and relaxed.
Use gentle prompts to help them understand:
- Body language: Help your child smile, keep an open posture, and use moderate eye contact.
- Friendly greetings: Give them simple phrases like, “Hi, can I join this game?” or “That book you’re reading looks interesting.”
- Conflict resolution: Think of ways to handle teasing or disagreements calmly. You could tell an adult or politely tell other children what you like or don’t like.
These role plays make social interactions seem less scary. Remember that adjustment isn’t a linear process, and it’s important to keep reassuring them every step of the way.
Social skills are learned. Children, whether outgoing or shy, can develop these skills further. As parents, it helps to model positive social behaviour for your children, like greeting the neighbours, thanking service staff, and listening well.
Modeling positive behavior and language
Kids pick up on behaviour and non-verbal language without us even noticing. When they see you calmly introduce yourself to new friends or show empathy for a friend’s struggles, they’ll understand the importance of kindness and respect.
For instance, let them watch you handle disagreements constructively. You could say, “I see your point, and here’s how I feel, so let’s find a compromise.” These examples show your child that conflict can be manageable and not scary.
Also, show them that making mistakes and feeling embarrassed is normal. Demonstrate small gestures like showing gratitude, apologising, and politely letting a friend speak. These small signs of empathy will influence how your child makes friends.
Hosting social events and playdates
Consider organising social events like playdates at home or in the local park. It’s a great way to break the ice in a comfortable setting. You can invite one or two of your child’s classmates for a relaxed activity like board games, crafts, or a mini picnic.
This calm setting may help your child and their classmates get to know each other better, away from the busy nature of a classroom. If your child is older, they might prefer casual hangouts for video gaming or movie nights.
For larger events, think about potluck-style gatherings. They’re great for celebrating cultural events and sharing international dishes. Bringing together families from different backgrounds can open minds and build true connections. This helps your child build a strong support circle for tough school days.
Community resources and support for parents
Schools are just one part of fitting into a new country. Neighbourhoods across Canada also run youth activity groups, library programmes, and after-school clubs. Using these outlets can help your child make friends and support your journey as a parent.
Connecting with other parents
Some parents connect while waiting at the school gate or having a coffee after dropping their kids off. You can share updates, talk about homework, or set up shared rides to activities.
Or, you might like more structured groups. You may be able to find local immigrant associations or cultural clubs that sponsor kid-friendly get-togethers. Check out your school or community notice boards to see if there are any upcoming meetups.
Talking to other parents can also help. You can share tips on how to approach teachers or manage back-to-school stress. You might even help each other out with carpooling or babysitting. When your child watches you make friends with adults, they learn that friendships are important at every age.
Utilizing local community and school programs
As you settle into Canada, you’ll find that most schools have “buddy programmes.” The idea is that new children are paired with classmates to help them get to know the school.
If your school doesn’t have a buddy programme, you can look for city-run youth centres. These create a sense of belonging. You can find them by checking your municipal website or local library.
You can also check family links on your provincial government website. Some places offer “cultural literacy” classes, and they are usually free or low-cost. These classes help kids and parents learn about local traditions, sports, and holiday events.
FAQs
What to do when your child has no friends at school?
Start by understanding anything that may be worrying your child. Ask about how they feel, and speak with the teacher to see if they’re missing group opportunities. Try small steps, like joining an after-school club or talking to a friendly classmate.
How would you help a student who struggles to make friends at school?
Creating a safe and calm environment is vital. Try role-playing conversations at home. Show them how to use friendly body language. Also, praise their efforts when they talk to other kids.
Teaming up with teachers can also help. Sometimes, a subtle seat change or a buddy system helps them make new friends. Also, reassure your kids that it takes time to get to know people and not to worry if they don’t make friends straight away.
Why is my child not making friends at school?
Difficulties may come from language barriers, shyness, or cultural differences that make them hold back. Others might struggle with anxiety or low self-esteem. Talk to your child and school staff or youth counsellors. You can help them have positive social experiences by giving understanding and practical support.