As a parent, you want the absolute best for your child, especially when it comes to their education. But when you’ve moved to a new country, a note from school announcing an upcoming parent-teacher conference can bring on a touch of anxiety. You might worry if you’ll understand the teacher. You may not be familiar with the cultural expectations. You may be concerned about advocating effectively for your child if you’re not familiar with the system or confident in the language.
These concerns are completely valid. Navigating a new school system is a challenge, but it’s one you can absolutely meet with success. At Remitly, we understand the unique journey of immigrant families. This guide is here to demystify the American parent-teacher conference and provide you with the tools and confidence you need to make this meeting a positive and productive experience for both you and your child.
Understanding the American parent-teacher conference
First, it’s helpful to understand the purpose of a parent-teacher conference in the United States. While every school is different, they’re generally all trying to do the best for their students.
The goal: a collaborative partnership
Unlike some educational systems where the teacher’s role is primarily to lecture and as a parent you’re expected just to listen, the American approach is built on the idea of a partnership. The teacher sees you as a vital member of your child’s educational team.
They believe you are the expert on your child’s personality, history, and home life. So a parent-teacher conference is a two-way conversation designed to share insights and work together to support your child’s success. Your voice and your perspective are not just welcome; they’re essential.
What to expect: the format and timing
Parent-teacher conferences are usually held two or three times per year and are usually short, often lasting only 15-20 minutes. Because time is limited, being prepared is key. The meeting will usually take place in the teacher’s classroom or online. In high school, you might meet with several different teachers or a single guidance counselor who oversees your child’s progress.
Who might be in the meeting?
It will usually just be you and your child’s main classroom teacher. However, depending on your child’s needs, other school staff may be invited or requested to join. This could include:
- An ESL (English as a Second Language) teacher who works with your child on their English skills.
- A special education teacher if your child has an Individualized Education Program (IEP).
- The school counselor to discuss social or emotional development.
- A translator provided by the school, if you requested one.
How to prepare for a successful conference
Walking into the meeting prepared will help you feel more confident and make the most of the limited time.
Talk to your child first
Your child is the most important person in this process. Before the conference, have a relaxed conversation with them. Consider asking them questions like:
- “What’s your favorite subject in school right now? Which one’s the most challenging?”
- “How are you getting along with your classmates and your teacher?”
- “Is there anything you want me to talk about with your teacher?”
This gives you valuable insight and shows your child that you’re thinking of their needs.
Review your child’s work and progress reports
Look over their recent homework, tests, and any report cards you’ve received. Do you see any patterns? Are they excelling in math but struggling with reading? Are they consistently forgetting to turn in homework? Having specific examples will help you ask more targeted questions.
Write down your questions and concerns
It’s easy to forget things in the moment. Before the conference, make a list of your top three to five most important questions or topics you want to discuss. Bring this list with you. This shows the teacher you’re engaged and ensures you cover what matters most to you. Later in this guide we’ll provide some examples of questions you might want to consider asking.
Address the language barrier proactively
If you’re not comfortable speaking English, this shouldn’t stop you from participating. US public schools are required by law to provide language assistance to parents. Call the school’s front office well in advance of the conference, tell them you need an interpreter for the parent-teacher conference, and which language you speak.
You have a right to this service. If you prefer, you can also bring a trusted friend or family member to help translate.
Navigating cultural differences in the classroom
Understanding the cultural context of American schools can make your interactions with teachers much smoother.
Communication style: direct but polite
Teachers in the US generally appreciate direct communication. It’s okay to ask specific questions and voice concerns. However, the tone should always be respectful and collaborative.
The goal is not to blame, but to solve problems together. It’s better to start your queries with phrases like, “I’m a little concerned about…” or “Can you help me understand why…” than to be confrontational.
The view of success: beyond just grades
In some cultures, academic success is defined almost exclusively by high test scores. In the US, the definition of a “successful” student is often broader. Teachers will also talk about things like:
- Participation and engagement
Does your child ask questions and contribute to discussions in class? - Critical thinking
Can your child analyze information and form their own opinions? - Creativity and curiosity
Do they show an interest in learning? - Social-emotional skills
Are they kind to others? Can they work well in a group?
Be prepared to discuss these aspects of your child’s development as well as their grades.
Parental involvement: what’s expected
American schools strongly encourage parental involvement. This can mean anything from checking homework every night to volunteering for a school event. The teacher will see you as a partner and will likely offer specific suggestions for how you can do your bit to support your child’s learning at home.
Key questions to ask your child’s teacher
As we mentioned, having a list of prepared questions will help you guide the conversation to the things you want to talk about. Here are some of the things you might want to ask about, categorized by topic.
Questions about academic progress
- What are my child’s greatest strengths in your class?
- In which specific areas do they need the most improvement?
- Are they working at the expected grade level in reading, writing, and math?
- How is their homework quality? Do they turn it in on time?
- Do they participate in class discussions?
Questions about social and emotional well-being
- How does my child interact with their classmates? Do they have friends?
- Does my child seem happy and confident in the classroom?
- How are they adjusting to the new school and culture?
- How do they handle challenges or frustration?
Questions about supporting your child at home
- What’s the most important thing we can do at home to support their learning in your class?
- How much time should my child be spending on homework each night?
- Can you recommend any websites, books, or resources that would be helpful?
- What’s the best way for me to contact you if I have a question in the future?
Building a strong partnership after the conference
The conversation doesn’t end when the meeting is over; the conference could be a starting point for an ongoing partnership between you and your child’s teachers.
Send a follow-up note
A day or two after the conference, you could send a brief email to the teacher thanking them for their time and briefly going through the key points you discussed. This shows your appreciation and confirms your shared understanding of the meeting’s outcomes.
Implement the action plan
If you and the teacher agreed on a plan—for example, you’ll check your child’s homework nightly, and the teacher will provide extra worksheets—be sure to follow through on it. This builds trust and shows the teacher you’re committed to your child’s educational development.
Stay in touch (but respect their time)
If you have a quick question, a brief email is usually the best way to communicate. For bigger concerns, request another short meeting. Attending school-wide events like an open house or cultural night is another great way to stay connected and show your support for the school, and your new community.
However, teachers are busy people with limited time, and they have a lot of parents to communicate with. Constant emails or too many demands on their time probably won’t be very welcome, and won’t help your child in the long run.
Your voice matters
We understand navigating parent-teacher conferences in a new country can be intimidating, but your voice is incredibly important. Your participation in your child’s education can be a very important factor in their future success, both as a student and as a person.
You are the leading expert on your child. By preparing in advance, asking thoughtful questions, and approaching the meeting as a partnership, you can build a strong relationship with your child’s school and ensure they have the support they need to thrive.
FAQs
What can I do if I don’t speak English well?
You have the right to a translator. Contact the school’s main office several days before the meeting to request one. You can also bring a bilingual friend or family member you trust. Language doesn’t have to stop you looking after your child’s best interests.
Are parent-teacher conferences really that different from my home country?
Yes, they can be. The biggest difference is often the emphasis on a parent-teacher partnership. In many cultures, the teacher is seen as the sole authority, and it can feel disrespectful to question them. In the US, teachers expect you to ask questions and share your perspective.
How should I address a concern about my child being treated unfairly?
Approach this calmly and directly, but not confrontationally. Request a separate meeting to discuss the issue. Be open but polite—for example, “I’m concerned about an incident my child described. Can you help me understand what happened?” Provide specific examples, and focus on finding a solution together.
What if the teacher brings up something I don’t understand, like an IEP or 504 Plan?
Don’t be afraid to ask for clarification! It’s perfectly okay to tell them that you’re not familiar with a particular term and ask them to explain it. These are US-specific terms for individualized student support plans, and the teacher will be happy to go through what they mean for your child.